Panto jokes to make you laugh - or cry - this Christmas

We all love a good groan when it comes to a panto joke - and often when it's at the expense of a neighbouring town.

As pantos across the county get into full swing, we bring you a few of their best gags from this year...

Mother Goose, Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury

Panto producers at the Canterbury theatre couldn't resist mentioning their infamous "Sheppey Joke" again this year (along with rousing choruses of "You don't get that in the Dartford panto" and threatening to banish baddie Demon Vanity (Marc Pickering) to panto in Chatham.

As Mother Goose (Ben Roddy) told the audience they were "taking a year off" from the joke, she added: "Someone came up to me and he said: "I want to talk to you about that Sheppey joke..." So I said to him: "Well, keep on practising."

For a non-Sheppey contender: Mother Goose: "I went on Australian Masterchef and they all cheered when I presented my meringues. It’s strange because Australians normally Boo - meringues!

Peter Pan, Assembly Hall Theatre, Tunbridge Wells

Hook (Paul Bradley): "One of these days I'm going to stick this hook where the sun don't shine."

Mrs Smee: "Not the Isle of Sheppey?"

Ironically, Holby City star Paul Bradley, playing Hook, is returning to the county only for the second time in his life, after spending his childhood holidays on... the Isle of Sheppey.

Churchill Theatre, Bromley

Wishee (Rikki Jay): Do you know what my favourite Chinese food is? Chicken Ding…

Widow Twankey (Christopher Biggins): Chicken Ding?

Wishee: Yeah. It’s chicken done in the microwave.

Peter Pan, Orchard Theatre Dartford

Smee (Andy Ford): "Did you know Facebook has merged with youtube and twitter? It's now called You Twitface."

Peter Pan, EM Forster Theatre, Tonbridge

Smee (Tom Swift): "Did you know an apple pie in Jamaica is £3.20, £2.30 in Aruba and £3.76 in the Bahamas? Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean."

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